Enough is enough. The time has surely come to let our dogs off their leash.

ManchesterEnough with the hashtags, the vigils, the understanding, the calls for calm, for unity, for tolerance and enough of waiting. Yes, waiting.

Waiting for the next piece of human garbage to blow himself up, drive into pedestrians, hack the head off an off-duty servicemen or carry out whatever depraved act they want to do in the name of their warped idealism.

And it’s coming. We all know it’s coming.

Is this the life we want now? A life where fear is a constant emotion whenever we step onto a tube train or into a public place? When the sight of an armed policeman or even a soldier on our streets brings a sense of relief?

I don’t. I suspect you don’t either.

I don’t want to wait until mass mourning becomes a national pastime, I want action. And action of the type that isn’t even being talked about openly purely for fear of upsetting the very people who caused this problem in the first place. The liberal left and the do-gooders driven by their politically correct and anti-British madness. The minority. Remember that, they are the minority.

Well sod that and sod them. They had their chance and their failure was catastrophic.

To them, the only answers are long-term. Education, deradicalisation, community involvement, unity, tolerance, carry on regardless. But doing that merely normalises terrorism by giving it time to become routine. Well we don’t have time because the problem is imminent as evidenced by the sight of soldiers on our streets. OUR streets! And imminent problems demand immediate action.

The first move must be to take the fight to the 3000 individuals who currently sit on our terror watch list because that is where the danger lies. So, as the bodies of our children still lie cold in the morgues of Manchester, the time has surely come to get them off our streets and into internment camps. And those who are considered as significant threats, take them out. Period.

Who would mourn? Seriously. Who would even know let alone care?

Now I know that there will be those reading this who will throw the Islamophobic or race card at me because that’s their bog standard response to anything they don’t agree with and there will be others who will talk about giving up the fundamental rule of law which is innocent until proven guilty (although oddly, they don’t complain when that is applied to football fans, but that’s another debate).

But they are wrong.

This isn’t about race or religion,it is about a war and be we Christian, Muslim, Jew, Sikh, Buddhist or clingon, we are all of us in very real danger at the hands of an enemy who live not in some far flung land, not in aircraft flying overhead dropping bombs on us or even in submarines lobbing inter-continental missiles in our direction, but right in our midst.

What we need to do is face up to that fact and understand that the war we are involved in is being fought against an uncivilised, barbaric enemy which doesn’t abide by the Geneva Convention, has no rules of combat, no morals and no honour. Instead, it wants only to bring death and destruction to our shores, our countrymen and to our way of life. The death of 22 young people in Manchester on Monday night proves that.

Well enough is enough. We have the best security services and special forces in the world and the time has come to let them off the leash and let them take the fight directly to the enemy who skulk in our gutters.

Because the unpalatable truth is that ultimately, as we saw with the IRA, stepping outside of the rule of law and cutting the head off the snake is the only way we’re ever going to get close to winning this particular war.

@dougiebrimson

sex, lads romance, love, vibrator, george clooney, fart

football, soccer, comedy, cost of football, manchester united, liverpool, derby, watfordJust in case you didn’t already know, all of my books and DVD’s are available from both Amazon and iTunes.

Further information at dougiebrimson.com

beer, lads, women, men, relationships, sex, love, romance, author, screenwriting, ebooks, self publishing, indie film, football, twitter, trolls, trolling, facebook, social media

 

 


Why Watford had to let Walter Mazzarri had to go. The facts.

mazzarri, watford, premiership, premier league I am a Watford fan. This is not a confession, it’s a statement of fact.

As a consequence, I’ve seen every home game this season as well as a good few away. For example, I was at West Ham when we came back from 2-0 down to win 2-4 with one of the gutsiest displays I’ve ever seen by a Watford team and at Hull, when we rolled over in one of the most inept performances I’ve ever seen by the side I follow.

What this means is that I am more than qualified to comment on the issue of Walter Mazzari and that comment is this: terminating his contract was exactly the right thing to do purely because it turned out that he wasn’t a good fit for us after all.

That’s it. No further discussion or explanation required.

So, if you’re a journalist or even a supporter of any of the other 91 professional football clubs, your comments, opinions or insults are meaningless to me because they’re primarily based on hearsay, not experience.

Oh, and just so you know, sacking Flores last season was also bang on the money.

Now, please move along. There’s nothing else to see here.

@dougiebrimson

sex, lads romance, love, vibrator, george clooney, fart

football, soccer, comedy, cost of football, manchester united, liverpool, derby, watfordJust in case you didn’t already know, all of my books and DVD’s are available from both Amazon and iTunes.

Further information at dougiebrimson.com

beer, lads, women, men, relationships, sex, love, romance, author, screenwriting, ebooks, self publishing, indie film, football, twitter, trolls, trolling, facebook, social media

 

 

How movies happen. Part One.

film, screenwriting, script, CannesFirst off, I must apologise for the title of this blog.

The truth is, as a simple writer I am but a tiny cog in the movie making machine and if I did know how they happened, I would have bottled it, patented it, franchised the shit out of it and be long gone by now.

What I do know however, is how mine happen although to be fair, my experience is hardly standard. After all, my first feature came about as a result of a conversation on a dodgy internet forum and my next one (that will  be #4) is the product of a simple one line pitch thrown in at the end of a meeting about another film. A film which remains as yet, unmade.

This proves to me, and should do to you, that there is no actual ‘way’ for a movie to happen but there are instead, a myriad of ‘ways’. And for the average writer, most of those will be entirely out of your control and more often than not dependent on huge amounts of luck. Sad, but undoubtedly true. 

That said, there are plenty of ways to heighten your chances of escaping the anonymity of the slush pile although in truth, none will ever guarantee success.

For a start, turning in a script which is both properly formatted and free of either spelling or grammatical errors should be a given (and if you don’t do that anyway, then you don’t deserve to have your script read let alone produced) whilst having a decent title certainly helps. Attaching a star is also a great way to gain attention but all of this should be the territory of your agent or manager if you have one. On which note, if you don’t, then get one. They are effectively filters who keep crap away from script readers and so a pile of paper coming from an agent is going to have far more of a chance of being looked at and taken seriously than one that doesn’t.

If you’re not adverse to networking (and I am, I hate it) then get out there and sell yourself as often and as hard as you can. In the film industry, people buy people as much as they buy what they can actually do. If you can’t or won’t do that and aren’t getting anywhere via any other means, then entering and hopefully winning one of the numerous screenwriting competitions will at least get your work in front of the right people.

And that’s what all of the above is designed to do; get your work in the hands of someone who will hopefully read your script. That’s when it’s all turns back around and you really do influence what happens next.

Because aside from your screenplay looking professional, the single most important thing to do with a script is the one thing you have the most control over. It’s the story. Because whilst a great story will sell a crap script, a crap story won’t sell a great script.

So nail your story from day one and if you do the work and get it right, it’ll happen. 

On which note, if all goes to plan, details of my next movie will be announced at the Cannes Film Festival which begins a week today.

For reasons which will become obvious in the fullness of time, details of this project are being kept a closely guarded secret for the time being but rest assured, I will pass them on as soon as I’m allowed.

What I can tell you is that it’s going to be a cracker and is certain to shock a few people. More than a few hopefully.

And that’s all you’re getting for now.

@dougiebrimson

sex, lads romance, love, vibrator, george clooney, fart

football, soccer, comedy, cost of football, manchester united, liverpool, derby, watfordJust in case you didn’t already know, all of my books and DVD’s are available from both Amazon and iTunes.

Further information at dougiebrimson.com

beer, lads, women, men, relationships, sex, love, romance, author, screenwriting, ebooks, self publishing, indie film, football, twitter, trolls, trolling, facebook, social media

 

 


Dear Labour Party… An open letter from a non-supporter.

labour, tory, lib-dems, electionAs you seemingly haven’t noticed, the last three attempts to get a vote of confidence in your party have resulted in the delivery of something of a kicking by the British electorate.

The most recent being yesterdays local government elections where traditionally, the party in opposition (that’s you apparently) have done quite well.

Inevitably, both the mainstream press and social media are currently full of how it all went horribly wrong for you yet as far as I’ve seen, no one has had the balls to call it as really it is, or at least how we non-voters see it.

So, as a 58-year-old bloke who has never supported labour and probably never will, I thought I’d let you know why with a few simple bullet points which may or may not help.

  • One of the most important things you have to understand, and which a majority of your supporters seem incapable of grasping, is that calling people idiots, stupid or racist just because they don’t agree with you is counter productive.

  •  Your supporters can scream, shout and protest all they like but unless you recognise that the silent majority are silent for a reason, you’re never going to get anywhere. UKIP might be finished as a political force after yesterday but they cracked it when it needed cracking and you can learn a lot of lessons from them and how Farage did what he did.
  • Failing to grasp that the vast majority of people in this country are hard-working, decent, respectful, law-abiding tax payers who are sick and tired of you promising to prop up every other bugger but them is also counter productive.
  • You have some truly awful people in the upper echelons of your party. Your leader might be a lovely bloke but he has never once come across as a person I’d want to see at the helm of my country. However, he’s not the worst. The odious Diane Abbott takes that spot and every time she opens her mouth, it strengthens resolve against you. However, the arrogant John McDonnell is not far behind her.
  • On which note, speaking as an armed forces veteran, your leaderships history of cozying up to the murders of the IRA whilst leaving our soldiers to the mercy of the courts continues to prove more damaging than you clearly recognise.
  • Patriotism is not racist. It’s not even xenophobic. Stop making out that it is and show some faith in the UK and it’s people.
  • Banging on about issues such as the NHS, policing, defence and housing is fine if you provide properly thought out alternatives, but you don’t.
  • Similarly, promising to prop up the lazy and the feckless at our expense isn’t doing you any favours. Nor is pounding away at the rich when most of your MP’s and former ministers are sickeningly rich. Indeed, hypocrisy is never good so calling the government out on something when your history on that same subject is equally dubious is plain stupidity.
  • Immigration IS a problem to many people and most of those blame you. Many are in areas which traditionally vote Labour so if you want them to vote for you again, come up with a policy that recognises their concerns and deals with them in a way that isn’t defined by political correctness but by their reality.
  • Wheeling out a succession of champagne socialists to urge the electorate to vote for you merely underlines the ‘us’ and ‘them’ mentality which has divided your party. I mean, Eddie Izzard in a beret…. seriously?
  • Once in a while, take the government to task on an issue which the vast majority of the country would support you on. The madness of Overseas Aid is an obvious example.
  • Admitting you got it wrong once in a while is a sign of strength, not weakness.
  • Finally, like it or not, Brexit is going to happen and the majority of this country want it. Just as importantly, they want the PM to get tough with the EU, not bend over and let them screw us, again. So back the government and by definition, your country. Because not doing so is not only damaging to you, but were you to get behind the country, you might actually start to get the electorate on your side. Well, some of them anyway.

There you go. Hope that helps a little but not too much obviously.

Best wishes

@dougiebrimson

sex, lads romance, love, vibrator, george clooney, fart

football, soccer, comedy, cost of football, manchester united, liverpool, derby, watfordJust in case you didn’t already know, all of my books and DVD’s are available from both Amazon and iTunes.

Further information at dougiebrimson.com

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Is Twitter the force to clean up football? Hell Yeah!

twitter, facebook, socialmediaAs you may have noticed, I am a huge fan of social media.

I use for everything from promotion and research though to networking and talking bollocks with people I barely know.

Surprisingly, one thing I rarely use social networking for is talking about football.  The main reasons being that I don’t really care too much what is happening at any other club than Watford and certainly have little or no interest in the day to day trivia of players lives or for that matter, their opinions. More importantly, I find if far too easy to get sucked into arguments and being the type of person who loves the last word, can find myself involved in pointless debates for days!

In truth, I actually find the whole idea of social networking quite ridiculous and like many things to do with the internet, I consider its prime function is to waste time and avoid facing up to the realities of life. However, it is an undeniable fact that social media does have real power and central to that is the ability to spread or even occasionally, create news. In that sense, Twitter is pretty much unrivalled.

I mention this here because this morning I have been reading the responses to last nights Match of the Day and in particular, the issue of diving which was a key factor in two of the games shown.

To a man, and woman, the response has been one of anger. Not merely at the guilty parties, but at the fact that the pundits on Match of the Day were so loathe to call it what it actually is, cheating.  More importantly, there was an inference that the fault lie not with the player, but the referee for missing making the wrong decision.

Now let’s face it, we’ve all seen things happen in games which players have got away with simply because the referee missed them. And even though they will have been picked up by the TV cameras and shown later on, we also know that thanks to the stupid rules relating to retrospective action in regard of cheating, it is extremely unlikely that anything will ever be done by way of punishment.

But like most supporters I am sick to death of the diving and the cheating that is ruining the game I love and if the authorities, the clubs or the players union won’t do anything to stop it even though they know it is wrong, then maybe pressure from the fans will finally force them into action.

Just as importantly, if through the use of social networking fans are finally able to interact more directly with players, maybe they won’t be so quick to feign injury if they know that they are going to have to justify their behaviour to the people who pay their wages. After all, embarrassment is the biggest deterrent known to man!

There will of course be those who think this is the very worst of developments but in all honesty, I don’t care. For too long now we fans have been forced to sit back and put up with the demise of fair play and the shame that this disgraceful cheating brings onto the sport and by association, us.

If through social networking we finally have the chance to force football into bringing about a return to sportsmanship, that can only be a good thing for the game.

So let’s do it.

Finally, a lot of people have been asking about my next movie project and whilst Three Greens continues to head toward production, I can tell you that if all goes to plan, details of another movie I’ve been working on will be released at the Cannes Film Festival next month.

And that’s all you’re getting for now!

@dougiebrimson

sex, lads romance, love, vibrator, george clooney, fart

football, soccer, comedy, cost of football, manchester united, liverpool, derby, watfordJust in case you didn’t already know, all of my books and DVD’s are available from both Amazon and iTunes.

Further information at dougiebrimson.com

beer, lads, women, men, relationships, sex, love, romance, author, screenwriting, ebooks, self publishing, indie film, football, twitter, trolls, trolling, facebook, social media

 

 

Trolls and how to deal with them. Again.

trolls, trolling, twitter, facebookMy last blog on the subject of trolls certainly generated quite a response.

Most, admittedly, were in agreement with me in that the best, if not only way to deal with trolls is to adopt the ignore, delete and block approach. For in doing so, not only do you instantly deprive them of the one thing they crave which is attention, you also save yourself a lot of both grief and time.

There were however, a number of people who disagreed with me, some vehemently. To a man (although oddly, most seemed to be women) their argument was not based on the issue of hate crime, which is a very different issue, but was more about their own personal experience. And it was all along the lines of ‘if someone is abusing me, why should I be the one to leave?’ which is fair enough in one sense but totally bloody stupid in the other.

This isn’t rocket science folks. If someone is giving you grief, the only sensible thing to do is to distance yourself from that person and that principle applies as much to social media as it does to a dodgy pub on a Saturday night. The only alternative courses of action are to stand there taking it until someone comes along to deal with them for you or, assuming you have the balls to do it, you go nose-to-nose and respond in kind (although to be fair, as a veteran of many a troll war, trust me when I tell you that this approach rarely ends well).

Not surprisingly, when I made this point in response to those telling me I was mistaken, some of them not only continued to disagree but a few actually ended up becoming abusive. One even began to tag my agent into posts accusing me of being homophobic which obviously saw him instantly blocked for what was, ironically, fairly textbook trolling.

And there’s the rub folks. Yes, trolls are a pain in the arse but the simple truth is that absolutely anyone who uses social media can find themselves acting like one.

Not everyone however, is smart enough to understand that if a troll does latch on to you, all the power you will ever need to deal with them is simply a few key strokes away.

You can read my previous blog here.

Finally, a lot of people have been asking about my next movie project and whilst Three Greens continues to head toward production, I can tell you that if all goes to plan, details of another movie I’ve been working on will be released at the Cannes Film Festival next month.

And that’s all you’re getting for now!

@dougiebrimson

sex, lads romance, love, vibrator, george clooney, fart

football, soccer, comedy, cost of football, manchester united, liverpool, derby, watfordJust in case you didn’t already know, all of my books and DVD’s are available from both Amazon and iTunes.

Further information at dougiebrimson.com

beer, lads, women, men, relationships, sex, love, romance, author, screenwriting, ebooks, self publishing, indie film, football, twitter, trolls, trolling, facebook, social media

 

 

Trolled on Twitter? Then it’s your own fault.

twitter, troll, trolling, writer, green street, top dog, You can’t possibly have failed to notice that the subject of abuse on social media is once again back in the news.

Leading the charge has been the wonderful Mayor of London who for reasons best known to himself (although I can guess) has established a dedicated ‘task force’ to tackle the issue of hate crime head on.

This is wrong, very wrong.

Now as anyone who follows me on Twitter will know, I am a huge fan. To me it’s a great source of both news and amusement as well as being a fantastic way to promote my books and well, what I do. Most importantly for me at least, it’s a great way to interact with readers and it’s fair to say that I’ve made some great mates though twitter with I hope, many more to come.

However, I’ve also encountered some proper dicks over the years and received more than my share of abuse from all kinds of trolls. In recent months for example, besides the usual ‘shit writer’ fair I’ve been accused of condoning child abuse, being a child abuser, being sexist, homophobic and racist. None of which is particularly nice I’m sure you’ll agree but, and this is the crux of this whole matter, I know how to deal with it. And by that I mean me. Not twitter, not my ISP and not the police, me.

And at the heart of that is one simple statement, ‘it’s not personal, it’s Twitter’.

The day you start screaming blue murder about something mean said about you by some anonymous idiot on a social networking site is the day your life begins to spiral out of control. No, it’s not nice to be accused of being a Nazi and I’m fairly certain that it’s not nice to read that someone wants to rape you but by reacting, you do exactly what the person who wrote it wants you to do. You give them power by taking them seriously.  And power is all they’re after.

This is where people are getting it wrong when they claim Twitter should be clamping down on trolls because Twitter doesn’t have to. You do, as the individual.

Would you walk down a dark alley in  a dodgy area in the middle of the night? No. Would you leave you front door wide open if you went on holiday? No. You take appropriate action to protect yourself.

So why don’t you apply that same thinking when it comes to social media?

Ignore, delete, block. Those three words should be beaten into the brains of everyone who uses either Twitter or Facebook because those three actions place you totally in control of what appears on your feeds.

And if it’s not on your feed, why do you care? Seriously, why?

Social media isn’t like real life. If someone is bad mouthing you to colleagues at work, there are processes in place to deal with it. If you’re having trouble with neighbours, then you tackle it face to face or if it’s beyond that, involve the authorities.

But social media is simple words. And unlike sticks and stones, they don’t break bones.

Yes, of course there are exceptions just as there are to every rule and yes, there will be instances where the police should and must get involved. But in the main, it’s a personal choice to react, ignore, delete or simply hit the block button which Twitter already provides for you to use in just such cases.

If you don’t understand that and don’t accept that in many ways, Twitter is the greatest manifestation of free speech we have, then rather than scream blue murder about the need for censorship (yes, censorship) why not take total control yourself and employ the ultimate sanction, delete your account.

Because you do actually have that option at your disposal and speaking as a Twitter fan, if you do indeed think that social media is there to serve you and not the other way round, then I’d urge you to do just that.

I for one won’t miss you one bit.

@dougiebrimson

sex, lads romance, love, vibrator, george clooney, fart

football, soccer, comedy, cost of football, manchester united, liverpool, derby, watfordJust in case you didn’t already know, all of my books and DVD’s are available from both Amazon and iTunes.

Further information at dougiebrimson.com

beer, lads, women, men, relationships, sex, love, romance, author, screenwriting, ebooks, self publishing, indie film, football, twitter, trolls, trolling, facebook, social media

 

 

Dear Doug, I’ve written this amazing script….

brimson, screenwriting, writer, script, authorAs someone who has pulled it off more than once, I’m often asked how to go about selling a script.

Whilst an obvious question, it is actually the wrong question. For the truth is that anyone can sell a script just as anyone can buy one. So what people should be asking is what are the chances of selling a script into the industry. Be it to a producer, a studio or even to an agent.

The answer, for a first time writer is slim, very slim. In fact the odds are stacked firmly against you. Not because  the film industry is some kind of closed shop -although in many respects it is exactly that- but because of simple mathematics.

You may well have written an awesome script, maybe even a potential Oscar winner, but the second you send it out into the world you’re entering a competition for attention and that competition is fierce. Not merely in terms of quality, but because of pure numbers.

The Writers Guild of America register anywhere between 30 and 50 thousand scripts every year. A number that can probably be doubled if you factor in screenplays written by writers who don’t register their work but still punt it out. That’s EVERY year, and the average screenplay floats around for at least 5 years, usually longer. So even using conservative figures, that’s 250,000 spec scripts floating around waiting to be picked up at any one time.

Since the vast majority of movies which actually get made are written by writers with some kind of track record, as a first time writer the chances of anyone even reading your script let alone buying it are reduced even further. Indeed it is estimated that even in a good year, only 50 spec scripts are actually sold into the business.

In real terms, that’s 1 per 5000 or 5000 to one. Or, to put it in more realistic terms, you’re twice as likely to die by falling in the shower as you are of someone buying your script.

Simple as that.

(It’s also important to remember that selling a script, whilst a great achievement in itself, does not guarantee that it will ever get anywhere near actually being filmed. And before anyone asks, it’s also worth noting that many spec scripts are sold for nominal fees, sometimes as low as £1!)

@dougiebrimson

sex, lads romance, love, vibrator, george clooney, fart

football, soccer, comedy, cost of football, manchester united, liverpool, derby, watfordJust in case you didn’t already know, all of my books and DVD’s are available from both Amazon and iTunes.

Further information at dougiebrimson.com

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Writers: The single and brutal truth about rejection.

writing,rejection,autor,screenwriterLet’s get this out in the open from the start, rejection sucks. It sucks big.

Unfortunately, if you want to write, be it for publication or screen, you had best get used to it because like it or not, it’s coming your way.

The only comfort you’ll have to draw on is that you’ll be in good company. I’m not just talking about J.K Rowling who was famously rejected by numerous agents and publishers before someone finally noticed the pot of gold under her arm, I’m talking about all of us. For with very few exceptions, every single author, screenwriter and journalist has to deal with the dreaded R word on a regular basis. I know I do. In fact my current hit rate is one script in three actually getting anywhere near being filmed.

To be fair, I am happy to acknowledge that to most writers a 33.3% success rate will actually look half decent but to me, whilst I’m obviously delighted with the one that gets through, I’m just as pissed off about the two that don’t. For each one represents a very personal failure.

You see I’m a lazy screenwriter and by that I mean that generally speaking, I’ll only write a script when I’m being paid. Therefore, if I write one on spec, it means that I think it’s something special and so if it subsequently gets rejected, it’s personal. Very personal. However, what makes it even tougher to handle is that often, the rebuff will come after I’ve already taken a few steps along the development path and the anticipation of a dream actually coming true has begun to take hold.

To give you an example; a few years ago I wrote a script called Boots on the Ground which examines the thorny issue of PTSD amongst British military veterans. For obvious reasons, this is a subject that has special significance to me and so once we were happy with it, we went out and pushed it as hard as we could.

Eventually, it landed on the desk of the head script reader at a studio who took it to his boss claiming it to be the best script he’d read all year. After reading it for himself, the studio head rang me to give me his word that he would put up most of the money to get it made and then introduced me to a very high-profile British director who was all over it like a rash. We even had BAFTA making some very positive noises about putting money in.

Then, as soon as it began and for reasons which I’ve never quite been able to fully fathom, it all went cold. And now, like Wings of a Sparrow and numerous other scripts I’ve written, it sits languishing on my hard drive until we stumble across the right person to put it in front of next.

Gutted? No, I was devastated, and continue to be so. Not just because it’s possibly the best thing I’ve ever written but because it talks about something that this country HAS to talk about.

But as I say, rejection is a part of the writers job so the question is, how do you get used to it?

The answer is that you don’t. And nor should you because if you want to write for a living, rejection HAS to hurt. And for one very specific reason.

A mate of mine, Brad Burton, is a motivational speaker and one of his ‘braddisms’ is that if you have a plan B, don’t get upset when others don’t believe in your plan A. In other words, if you prepare for rejection, it means that somewhere in the back of your head, you’re expecting it. And if you’re expecting it, how can you possibly put everything you have into your script?

The answer is that you can’t. But what you can do is to take the gut wrenching pain of being knocked back and pour it into your next script or book. Keep doing that and eventually that pain will be replaced by the ecstasy of success. And it will. Because if you want to call yourself a proper writer, you have to have absolute and total belief that it will.

Because if you don’t, if you’re not totally committed to yourself and your work, what the hell are you wasting your time for?

Speaking of being committed, my latest thriller, Three Greens, is moving swiftly toward production with casting of the major roles currently underway. In addition, I am delighted to announce that another project has now been given the green light and with finance in place, is also heading toward casting.

For reasons which will soon become obvious, I can’t say much about this new movie at the moment other than I can guarantee that when it’s announced, it’s going to cause quite a stir in certain circles.

@dougiebrimson

sex, lads romance, love, vibrator, george clooney, fart

football, soccer, comedy, cost of football, manchester united, liverpool, derby, watfordJust in case you didn’t already know, all of my books and DVD’s are available from both Amazon and iTunes.

Further information at dougiebrimson.com

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So, you want to be a writer.

When I first started out on what is laughingly called my writing career, I imagined that at some point, I would end up sitting somewhere warm doing pretty much sod all whilst my bank account was being drip fed a steady stream of royalty payments.

This money would then be spent fuelling my passions for motorcycles, stock car racing and Adidas Gazelles with the remainder being wasted on expensive holidays and flash restaurants. Sadly, it has not turned out like that.

Instead, like most writers battling against the combined curses of mid-list anonymity and the explosion of electronic publishing, I find myself working long hours developing new projects whilst waiting for decisions from people who are either barely qualified to make them or are simply too terrified to. These days, saying ‘no’ is both easier and safer than saying ‘yes’ or even ‘maybe’.

Given that I am keen to eat once in a while (well, this belly doesn’t maintain itself!) what this means in real terms is that since time is one of only two tools I have for the generation of income (the other being what could jokingly be called ‘talent’) it has become an extremely valuable commodity. One which once consumed, is irreplaceable.

I mention this not in an effort to elicit any kind of sympathy but for a very specific reason. For I recently read an amazing article by a best-selling American writer called Leslie Banks in which she talked about the demands placed on a writer’s time and in particular, the value placed on that time by other people. And what she says is correct.

Abso-fucking-lutely correct.

You see, like most writers I receive a steady stream of unsolicited mails from people asking for either help or advice and in the main I’ve always welcomed these and been happy to help if I can. After all, we all started somewhere right?

Recently however, increasing numbers of these mails have gone beyond simple questions about the basics of writing or publishing into requests to critique whole manuscripts, help find an agent and/or publisher or even come on board to help develop a project from scratch. This would be fine were there ever the offer of any money to carry out this work but this is rarely, if ever the case. Remember that, because I will return to it in a moment.

I’d also ask you to consider another point raised by the fabulous Ms Banks. For like her I rarely read anything else whilst I’m writing because I have learned from experience that if I do, I tend to adopt that authors style in my own work. But equally, whatever I’m reading sinks into my brain and on one occasion, something actually fell out of my subconscious and made it onto a page I’d written. Thankfully, I caught it whilst editing but supposing I hadn’t noticed it and it had made it into print only to be picked up by some eagle eyed reader who went on to point it out to the offended author. Can you imagine?

Indeed, with more and more people paranoid about the theft of ideas, it’s only a matter of time before a writer is dragged into court and accused of ripping off a plot line.

Now, put all this together and you might start to understand why more and more writers are not simply reluctant to respond to requests for help but are becoming increasingly angry about them. Because when that mail drops in my inbox what it’s actually asking is “Dear Mr Brimson, can I take advantage of your 20 odd years worth of experience and a shed load of your time and at the same time, would you be happy to run the risk of getting sued to shit and back? Oh, and can you do it all for free?”

Not exactly the most attractive proposition and in all honesty, it’s actually quite insulting. After all, would you go to any other experienced professional and ask for their time free of charge? What do you think a lawyer would say to that? Or a plumber? What would you say if I came to you at your place of work? I rest my case.

So the bottom line is this; if you want to be a writer, then write. And if you want to be a published author or a credited screenwriter, then as you write, learn. Learn about the delights of plotting, the fineries of character arcs, the stress of editing, the nightmare of pitching, the complexities of contracts, the (occasional) thrill of PR, the gut-wrenching pain of rejection and the never-ending irritation of waiting.

But if you want to circumnavigate any of that then be prepared to put your hand in your pocket. It might cost you in the short-term but it will almost certainly save you an awful lot of time.

And as Leslie Banks says only too well, time is money. My money.

@dougiebrimson

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The official blog of author and screenwriter Dougie Brimson www.dougiebrimson.com